The 18 Best Golf Quotes and Sayings of All Time

Golf is a funny game – and over the years it’s provoked some amazing quotes. Here are some of our favourite funny golf quotes and sayings: some bitter, some witty and some wise.

“If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would’ve been a great shot.” – Sam SneadGolf ball

“I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators” – Gerald Ford

“To find a man’s true character, play golf with him” – P.G Wodehouse.

“The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.” – P.G. Wodehouse, again.

“I’m the best. I just haven’t played yet.” – Muhammad Ali

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps” – Tiger Woods

“While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake”  – Henry Youngman

“In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre: au revoir, Gopher” – Carl Spackler in Caddyshack

“One minute you’re bleeding. The next minute you’re haemorrhaging. The next minute you’re painting the Mona Lisa” – Mac O’Grady

“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf “– Bob Hope

“You win all the Tucsons, all the Kemps, all the Iron City Opens you can, nobody remembers. You win a Masters, nobody ever forgets” – Bob Goalby

“Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun” – Jim Bishop

“I don’t fear death, but I sure don’t like those three-footers for par.” – Chi Chi Rodriguez

“They say that golf isn’t a contact sport. Not the way that we play it” – Alice Cooper

“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.” – Dave Barry

“You little son of a bitch ball! Why you don’t you just go HOME? That’s your HOME! Are you too good for your HOME?” – Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore

“Obviously a deer in the road has seen you tee off before when he knows that the safest place to be is right down the middle” – Jackie Gleason

“I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles” – G.K Chesterton

Looking for bespoke golf breaks in South Wales? Speak to The Dragon Hotel today – simply call 01792 657140 and let us build a package that suits you and your mates.